Some bitch that I was supposed to do a small project with dropped my advanced oral class. Now there are 4 of us.

I really want to drop my lit class. Really. But I can't. And I won't.

The amount of frustration I have is directly proportional to how much I want to crawl into bed and just sleep. I'm worrying about getting all my schoolwork done and also all the medical shit that's been going on, and now my computer's broken for I think the third time in the past 3 months. Tomorrow I'm going to call Toshiba's customer service and complain to them and see if they'll give me a new computer, since it's costing them money for my computer to keep getting repaired (due to a warranty). I'm so frustrated about everything and I'm freaking out and no one really has the time to listen because they're doing their own things. I don't want to be in school. It's only been a week and already I'm burned out. I can't concentrate on my reading. I hate it. I want to go home. I'm hungry all the time and I have almost no food here and it's 45-60 min each way just to the grocery store, and I don't have time to go there, and I keep spending money on food, and whatever I eat is not enough. I'm so burned out. I'm so tired. I nap every day, but one nap isn't enough. On Monday I took 2 naps, and I'm dangerously close to taking 2 naps today, despite the fact that I slept for 3 hours earlier. I hate this.

     It was mainly a clusterfuck of camp, American Idol, and a UIUC basketball game. Jude Law and Uma Thurman were there. Uma Thurman came up to me and started chatting and she seemed interested in everything I was saying. I later found out that she and I were going to do a movie together, and I was really excited.


I need to stop spending so much money on entertainment. Here is what I bought tonight:
The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema
Of Montreal - Aldhils Arboretum
Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins
Of Montreal - Coquelicot Asleep in the Poppies: A Variety of Whimsical Verse
How I Paid for College: A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship, & Musical Theater by Marc Acito
Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology by Eric Brende
Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer (this was made into a movie, which comes out next month I think)
Superstud, or How I Became a 24-Year-Old Virgin by Paul Feig (creator of the TV show Freaks and Geeks)


My ass and hips are sore as hell, and I don't know why. That's all I wanted to say; now I'm going to read ~230 pages for Fr lit.

     I got a bee sting on my cheek. My face started getting red and swelling up. I went to the nurse's office (because I was in a high school or something) and asked for Benadryl, and they said there was no way I was allergic to bee stings, despite my now huge face. As punishment for wasting their time, I had to do a presentation on what it means when people are allergic to bee stings and how their bodies react. It was also yearbook photo day, and they made me get my picture taken anyway.
     Then I was playing keyboards for Fergie's (from Black Eyed Peas) solo project tour. We were in a big auditorium and I knew probably 75% of the people. I messed up in one spot, but no one noticed.
     Then I was on the set of LOTR because I had a small role. It was lunch break time and I was hanging out with Sean Astin, and I started getting confused as to whether his real name was Sam or Sean.


Quick update:
Talia and I ate at Steak 'N Shake, and then we bought matching Yellow Submarine t-shirts.


     I had to meet Tom's mom. She was beautiful and didn't look a day over 26. I felt really threatened, because I was convinced that she was really his girlfriend and he was cheating on her with me.
     Rob moved into my old house in West Lafayette. I had to work on a science project with him, but I got annoyed because he wouldn't work on it. Instead, he was trying to set up a naked wrestling league where his friends would wrestle against girls from a local sorority. I got mad at Rob and I totally called him out for slacking off, and his mom bitched me out and kicked me out of the house. I had to call my mom to pick me up, and she charged me for the gas money.


My second dream about Johnny Depp in less than 12 hours:
     I was in a department store. My mom had given me money to buy shoes and a dress for my cousin's wedding. I grew dizzy and passed out. When I came to, Johnny Depp was kind of crouching over me, taking my heart rate. He called the paramedics. When they left, he stayed with me, helped me finish shopping, and even took me home. I didn't want to let on that I knew who he was, so I thought about making some comment about a large Samoan lawyer and seeing if he reacted, but I couldn't think of anything clever and subtle enough. Johnny Depp and I started dating. He had not quite a beard, not quite a 5 o'clock shadow. He also had shoulder-length hair, and while normally I abhor long hair on men, he looked really hot with it.

Dream fragment:
     Johnny Depp and I were hanging out at my house. He was wearing his costume from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and he was bitching about the heels. I was like, "Novel concept? Don't wear them."
I know there was more that went on in my dream, because I woke up around 4 wondering if I could remember it all in the morning, or if I should get up and write it down then. I wish I had gotten up then. I woke up every 10 minutes last night, because my A/C unit is really loud. Shut up, A/C unit.


I remember actually liking Jesse Camp. Was I the only one? Leave a comment.


Latest archive obsession: Shitty Blogs

There are? Seriously? Six other people in my advanced oral French class. And I don't know a single one of them. My TA's English is in a very BBC accent. It's funny.

I knew a few people in my civ class. I had the professor fall semester last year, and he's kind of a tool. This is a fact confirmed by another girl in my class.


     Kristin and I still had two more weeks of camp left. The kids were really getting on my nerves, and I threatened to smack two of them. Then Kristin and I were going to go to a concert, and we needed to get to the train station. One of the ladies at work lent us a car, but it turned out it was stolen. I was really scared the cops would catch us, especially since I did a U-turn at a high speed on the interstate.

Class starts tomorrow. I'll be excited to have something to do, instead of just sitting around in my room all day, but I know that I'd rather sit around and/or sleep than go to class and do stuff. My skin looks gross--I have a bunch of pimples on my forehead, and my pores are huge. I hate the way my chin looks.


Erin, let's trade genes, okay?


I was walking along Green Street to get to Potbelly's today, and I saw that we are going to get a Chipotle and a Noodles & Co. I officially do not need to cook at all.

If I titled my entries, I would title this one Meme-Ganker.

I saw in Talia's blog she did the 100 Things About Me meme. And I read through all 100 things and contemplated some of them (Pony club?!?!). Now I want to do my own and hope that somewhere, someone reads it.

1. I've spent my entire life in the midwest.
2. The farthest north I've ever been is Paris. The farthest west is Austin, TX. The farthest east is Rome. The farthest south is some Caribbean island.
3. I spent much of my childhood in West Lafayette, IN, home of Purdue University.
4. Many of my friends' parents were professors.
5. My best friend was Nadia, and she was half-Lebanese. Her dad was a professor of computer engineering or something.
6. I remember being amazed when I saw her dad had written and published a textbook.
7. I used to play this really fun game on Nadia's dad's laptop where you try to take pictures of dinosaurs.
8. The rest of my formative years have been spent in the western suburbs of Chicago.
9. I lived in Geneva (IL, not Switzerland) for 6 months. I went to school there for 4 weeks at the end of the year, and then it was summer. I had no friends there.
10. In 8th grade I started at a new (for me) middle school. I was on the smart "team", so all my classes were with the same 11 people.
11. I still kind of keep in touch with one of those people. That is to say, I consider her a friend but I haven't talked to her since school got out in May. Oops.
12. I have a brother and a sister and I am very selfish. I do not like sharing my stuff. It irritates me when people touch my things.
13. I am currently kind of dating a guy whose grandfather was the namesake of the middle school mentioned in #10.
14. I've been to the namesake's house, and done many an odd thing there.
15. I am the shortest one in my nuclear family.
16. I might also be the palest. My mom is pale, but she has freckles all over, so I don't know what that counts for.
17. My dad is Jewish.
18. My dad's mom was Polish, and my dad's dad was Russian.
19. I like vodka. A lot.
20. My mom is Lutheran.
21. I was raised Lutheran.
22. I am now kind of my own half-assed breed of Protestantism. I have my own beliefs, but I am largely turned off by organized religion, although not for the reasons most people are. It seems that Protestantism has tried to "update" its public perception, with rock bands instead of organs and lyrics on overhead projectors instead of hymnals. I don't need to be told how Jesus is cool for teens today, thanks.
23. It's Nadia's (mentioned earlier) fault that I'm a big Beatles fan.
24. My favorite Beatles album is probably Revolver.
25. My favorite Beatles movie is Yellow Submarine.
26. I bought Radiohead's OK Computer back when Paranoid Android first came out, but I never listened to it beyond PA and Karma Police.
27. A few years ago I listened to OK Computer and I now realize what an amazing album it is.
28. Radiohead is tied with the Beatles for my favorite band ever.
29. I was in Girl Scouts from kindergarten until 8th grade.
30. I did the silver award project, but I never earned my silver award because I was too lazy to do the required badgework.
31. I did tap dance from when I was 3 until when I was 12 or 13.
32. I did Irish dance for a year and a half.
33. I started playing piano in 2nd grade. I consider this one of the best things my parents ever made me do, even though I hated it at the time.
34. I started playing violin in 4th grade.
35. My parents told me they couldn't afford to rent a musical instrument, but I signed up for orchestra behind their backs, and then they had to let me.
36. I chose the violin because that's what Nadia wanted to play.
37. I quit piano in 8th grade, after we had moved to the Chicago suburbs, because I hated the new piano teacher.
38. I consider quitting piano to be one of the stupidest things I've ever done.
39. I started taking piano lessons again last January.
40. I played softball from first grade until 9th grade.
41. I tried out for the team in 10th grade, but did not make it.
42. I played 2nd base, shortstop, and 3rd base.
43. I can still throw fairly hard and fairly accurately.
44. I ran cross country in 7th and 8th grade, and all the way through high school.
45. My best mile time ever is 6:54. I got this in 7th or 8th grade in a race. It was the first mile of two and a half in that race.
46. I feel very guilty now that I don't run daily.
47. I've pretty much had a steady boyfriend since October 29, 1999. There have been probably 7 non-consecutive months since then that I have been single.
48. A lot of my self-worth is based on whether I currently have a boyfriend or not. I know that this is very messed up, and I would like to change it.
49. I am now in the second of two long-distance relationships.
50. All the guys I have ever dated (a total of 4) have been over 6'.
51. I am now used to the height difference, and it does not bother me.
52. I love the city of Chicago, and I can't imagine ever living very far away from it.
53. I study French, but I suck at speaking it.
54. I am decent at reading, writing, and listening.
55. I wish I had more time to learn other languages.
56. I took 2 semesters of German.
57. My favorite color is green.
58. I think I am starting to become more attractive. I now know how to do up my hair all nice, at least.
59. I was a huge nerd all throughout elementary school, middle school, and pretty much high school. (But who doesn't say that?)
60. I was very sheltered as a child.
61. I've never smoked, be it cigarettes or pot.
62. I didn't start drinking until I got to college.
63. I used to think that, for sex, the man just lay on top of the woman. I did not know that thrusting was necessary. I learned about the thrusting part probably in 8th or 9th grade.
64. In 9th grade, I was on a bus with the cross country team, on our way to a meet. A guy drove up; he wasn't wearing any pants and he was masturbating. That was the first time I'd ever seen a naked man. I felt very dirty for several weeks after that.
65. I keep a lot of secrets from my parents because I think they think I'm very, very ...not "good" per se, but moral. I don't know if they really think that, though. I would like to find out what my parents think I've done.
66. I have had a myriad of doctor appointments in the past year to figure out what is wrong with me.
67. I saw a doctor this past Tuesday who gave me some very sobering news.
68. Sometimes I secretly want something to be wrong with me so I can be special and people will feel pity for me.
69. Other times I think that if/when I find out that something is really wrong with me, I will keep it a secret because I do not want the pity.
70. I've ridden on a motorcycle once. We went 25 mph, and I was scared for my life. I did not wear a helmet.
71. I always wear a seatbelt.
72. I share a 1998 Honda Accord (black) with my brother (and soon my sister), and I love that car. I think my first car will be a Civic, or an Accord if I can afford one.
73. I've only had two "real" jobs.
74. I worked as a violin tutor for a while, and got paid for it, but I do not consider that to be a real job, mostly because I only did it for a few hours each week.
75. I was a "beauty advisor" at Walgreens, though I knew (and know) very little about makeup.
76. I worked two summers at Naper Settlement as a camp counselor.
77. I used to volunteer in the mansion at NS.
78. I can give decent-to-good tours in every building on the grounds.
79. When I used to dress up in my 1870s tea dress for the mansion, little girls would tell me that I looked like a princess. I loved this.
80. Pringles, Vienna Beef hot dogs, and Pepsi all make me think of my Grandma Dorothy.
81. I never really knew my Grandpa Seymour.
82. My mom's parents are divorced.
83. I see my Grandma Mary fairly often.
84. I rarely see my Grandpa Bill and his wife, Norma ("Grams"). My mom tells me that he was a huge jerk, and so now I do not like him at all.
85. My mom once told me that if I got pregnant at a young age, she couldn't be too disappointed because she misses having babies around the house.
86. I don't know if I could hold her to this, or if she would behave differently if I had a baby.
87. At this point, I think I would get an abortion over having a baby. I don't know if that makes me a terrible person, but I don't think it does. I think it just makes me selfish.
88. I will probably have kids when I am older, have a secure source of income, and am married.
89. I do not drink soda unless I'm at a restaurant.
90. I hold naps dear.
91. When I was little, I used to throw myself on my bed and cry because I wanted to own a dog and my parents wouldn't buy one for me.
92. We bought a dog 7 years ago (I think). Here are two pictures of him.
93. I am very, very allergic to cats. I cannot spend more than 5 minutes in a house where a cat lives, lest I get hives, swell up, and fall asleep for over 12 hours.
94. My brother once asked me if the bump on my nose had come from me breaking it and not getting it set properly. I have never broken my nose. The ENT doctor asked me the same thing last week.
95. I wish my hair was naturally very dark brown.
96. I wore braces for about 4 years. I still have a permanent retainer glued to my bottom teeth.
97. I never wear lipstick or lip gloss. I think my lips look ridiculous with it.
98. I hate country music.
99. I love people-watching. I love to invent a complete biography for a person based solely on what they're wearing or one thing I overheard them say.
100. I suck ass at miniature golf.


This was one of the longest-ass days I've had in a long while. I think back to 12 hours ago and I can't believe I'm still in the same day. I worked this morning, ran around and tried to pack stuff, packed the car, ran some errands with my ma, drove down to campus, unpacked like a motherfucker, drove around with my ma to find a hotel (cause she didn't want to drive back in the dark) (and jeez did it take us forever to find a hotel cause they were all full), ate at Steak 'n Shake, shopped at Target, did some more unpacking, and now here I am. Tomorrow I will eat breakfast with my mom, get some groceries, get my textbooks, eat at Potbelly's, and take a nappppppppppppppppppppp. Indeed.


Campus. Tomorrow.


I spend the entire first 3/4ths of the summer wanting to go back. Waiting, wanting, wishing... And then I meet a boy. And things change. And suddenly I don't want to go back to school. And so I don't pack. And I don't pack. And I don't pack. And here I am, 12 hours before I leave, running around and trying to get everything in order. Why didn't I learn my lesson last year? I promise I'm not doomed to repeat history's mistakes, though.

Today was a good day, though. I may or may not have drunk spiked lemonade on the clock. It may or may not have happened multiple times. I spent nearly 7 hours with Tom after work.

This might have been my last summer in Naperville. It was definitely my last summer at Naper Settlement. I don't know what to say. I feel like I should have some more thoughts, but I don't. Yet. All I can say is that this summer went by really quickly. I don't know if I'm ready to go back to class yet.


I went to a new doctor today.
The good: I don't have sleep apnea anymore.
The bad: I have surgery in my future. Jaw-breaking, liquid-diet surgery.
The ugly: I don't even want to talk about it.

Dream fragment:
     Steve became a movie star, and I saw him on TV on the red carpet for some awards show.

Sometimes the iPod/iTunes shuffle freaks me out. Just now I was listening to Moby's "Look Back In" and then the next song was the Kinks' "No More Looking Back". Look back in. No more looking back. The only thing that could have made that better is if the first song was "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis. A year ago I was listening to "A Storm Is Coming" from one of the LOTR soundtracks, and then the very next song was "The Storm" by Gaelic Storm. I swear it does this on purpose to make me paranoid.


Beck is coming to Chicago. Unfortunately, he'll be here on Tuesday and Wednesday nights (9/20 and 9/21). I wonder if I could get Tuesday tickets and then just miss my 10am on Wednesday. That would be incredible.


I like shirts with 3/4-length sleeves. I like shirts with V-necks. I do not like shirts with 3/4-length sleeves and V-necks. I wonder why.

I went shopping today and got some shirts and 3 pairs of jeans. I needed jeans. Jeans are awesome. I also got a FM transmitter for my iPod, so now I can play my iPod in the car or through a stereo. Or...or...I bet I could hook it up so that I could set my alarm clock and wake up to my iPod. I wonder if the iPod has a feature where it will start playing at a certain time. Note to self: look into this.



Last day of camp EVER. I wish I could drink to the occasion.


I held my own at pool tonight, which was unprecedented but so choice.

Rob says, " No offense or anything, but against who? I'm having a tough time imagining you as the consummate pool shark... "

Against Tom. And I didn't say I kicked his ass. I said I held my own, meaning I wasn't embarrassed by the way I played. And I also said it was unprecedented, meaning I didn't expect myself to not completely suck.


     I was in a remedial French grammar class, where we had to explain stuff like the passé composé and the difference between tu and vous. It sucked, bad.


     Justin (UIUC Justin, not HS Justin) and I were stowaways on a ship that was taking a bunch of music majors to Nepal for a few days. They were going to kick us off, but then Nathan (piano teacher) vouched for my coolness. He called me "Fermata" as a nickname.


I've had a personals ad on Craig's List for two and a half weeks now. I mostly put it on for the hell of it, to see what responses I got. I figured it might be fun and I might go out a couple times, but I really didn't expect to meet anyone good from it. It's been a really interesting experience getting all those e-mails, though. I estimate I've gotten around 25-30. Some guys were interesting and I exchanged several e-mails, but then we just kind of stopped talking. No worries. Some guys were in their 30s, which was creepy and weird because I specifically mentioned that I'm 20. One guy got offended that I didn't comment on his picture, that I didn't say that he was a "total hotty" or whatever stupid thing. Dude had longass hair, longer than mine's ever been, and he clearly didn't condition. And he didn't shave either. And he was pasty. But like...who's that self-conscious that you need a complete stranger, one person out of billions, someone who's seen but one picture of you, to tell you that you're hot? I know that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. And I'm chill about it.

I got a new one tonight. This was creepy. It was a fucking 40 page manifesto. The second sentence included, "I'm seven inches cut." Um, guh? We're one sentence into this and then I learn about your penis? No sir. He also goes on to say that he enjoys very kinky sex. He also included a list of things I absolutely cannot do while I'm in a relationship with him, and one of those was that I cannot disagree with him. If his friends and he and I are having a conversation on abortion, I can't agree with his friends and disagree with him. His picture looked like a mugshot. His e-mail was so long and disjointed, and I didn't even read the whole thing. I did send him an e-mail back saying stuff that turned me off, and that maybe he should change it so as not to turn future girls off. I tried to be nice in the e-mail, but I have no idea if he'll take it like that. Oh well. He was really creepy.


Tonight Cassie, Laura, and I went out for Cassie's birthday. We went to PF Chang's and I got some strange-tasting tea that wasn't so great but I drank it anyway cause I haven't had tea in a while. I now know 2 ways to get to PF Chang's, which makes me awesome. There's also a third, but I digress. Then we went to Cassie's and played Clue and Outburst with her sister, which was totally awesome. We all were totally overthinking Clue. I won 2 games, once by default and once due to my talents. Then Outburst is nothing short of radical, I don't care who you are. It was great.


Every time I see Tom, I'm more of a dork for him. I really like him. Why couldn't I have met him earlier this summer? We went to a Giordano's in Chicago tonight, and this guy proposed to this girl there. In Giordano's. We had a good laugh over that, cause only the cheesiest of guys would propose there.


So I had to reinstall Windows. I was able to save all my files and crap. I thought I was able to save all my programs too, but I can't get AIM to run. Now I have to download the newest version of AIM, which totally sucks ass. I liked my old ghetto AIM. Blah. I also had to reinstall Firefox and so I have to redo all my bookmarks. Poo.

     I transferred from UIUC to Purdue. My 4th grade grades didn't transfer, so I had to re-take 4th grade (along with Monica and Lee and some other people from HS). One 4th grader made fun of me by calling me Billy Madison. My 4th grade teacher was the one whose class was right next to my real-life 4th grade teacher.
Yeah. I don't know why my grades wouldn't transfer, because I did 4th grade in a West Lafayette school, 3 miles away from Purdue. Stupid unconscious.