Just over an hour ago, I realized I had a somewhat strange desire: I wanted to chew gum. I didn't want to just idly chew a piece of gum, but I wanted to have several pieces in my mouth at the same time, I wanted to suck every last bit of flavor from those pieces, and I wanted to chew angrily, with impossible vigor and strength. I got to work on half a pack of Orbit Sweet Mint; after about 30 minutes, I had six sticks in my mouth. It wasn't enough--I could still taste the gum; I simultaneously wanted to rid the gob entirely of its flavor and to taste that flavor forever. I don't know what possessed me. I was reminded of a similar part in A Million Little Pieces where James Frey is demonstrating an addict's mindset in saying that he wanted more than just a piece of gum, he wanted a million pieces of gum. Or something--it's been a while since I've read it, and I don't particularly care to pick it up ever again (incidentally, that has nothing to do with Frey making shit up; I found it to be derivative, even as a work of fiction, as if he had taken Creative Writing 101 and followed the checklist provided in the textbook).

Anyway, after about 45 minutes on the gum, I decided I was done with that. What I really want is a vegetable sandwich, very similar to the one I got earlier this evening from Subway. I need a vegetable sandwich right now; I have no idea how I'll be able to sleep without one. I made a shopping list. There are a couple 24-hour groceries near me, but there's no way I'm going out at 3 am to gather the ingredients for a sandwich. Right now I'd give anything for an avocado, a green pepper, an onion, a cucumber, some mozzarella cheese, and soft, warm, freshly-baked bread. Ohhhhhh jeez.

I know exactly where this fantasy comes from. During the past two days I've suffered terrible cramps, the likes of which I haven't felt since before I went on hormone therapy. The cramps effectively quashed any appetite I had. On Saturday all I ingested was a milkshake and a can of Pepsi; today, it was just a banana and a vegetable sandwich. As I type this, my cramps are coming out of their recently-imposed dormancy, as if to remind me that it's not imperative that I eat within the next 24 hours. All I know is that, cramps or not, I will be stuffing my face full of Chinese buffet offerings; it's been far too long since I've last done that. Mongolian pork, General Tso's chicken, lo mein, pepper steak... Sigh.

In completely different news, I absolutely hate this layout. Sometime when I have a lot of time I plan on messing around with Blogger Beta's WYSIWYG stuff.
ETA: I just decided to do it now. I'm a little sad to see that I can't yet edit the HTML on the prepackaged template. There are a few things that frustrate me: I can't center my picture; the columns are too close together; there's too much empty space at the sides; and other stuff. Sigh. Hopefully they'll change this soon. This new color scheme was inspired by the DVD cover for Rushmore.

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