I go home tomorrow. All semester long I've been waiting to go home for the summer. And now I don't want to. I have nothing for me here. I have nothing for me at home. But I kind of like the isolation I can find here. There are always a million people around but I know very few and am friends with even less, so I don't feel like I have to constantly be happy and smiling and fake. What do I care if total strangers hate me?

I saw this picture tonight. I wish I were more like that. I wish I were more impulsive and could seize the moments as they happened. I spend too much time in the past, going over and over experiences I've had that might have gone differently. If I get rejected, I'll spend the rest of my life berating myself for not handling the situation differently. I always end up deciding that the costs outweight the potential benefits, so I never do crap like this. But I should.

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