I so heart Jacob, who writes the American Idol recaps on Television Without Pity. Here's some of his awesomeness from last week's recap:

The best thing ever was when [Tori Amos] and Alanis Morissette were touring together and they'd be interviewed by Kurt Loder or whatever and he'd ask this straightforward question and Tori Amos would be all, "I really think you have to have tea with the devil in the dreamtime of our voodoo, you know?" and Kurt would just look over at Alanis and she'd go, "Because Sarah MacLachlan is Canadian, Kurt." And he'd thank her and move on.

Ryan's wearing the weirdest sweater; it's dark green and has all these confusing squiggles and ugly words on it and large pieces of negative space. It's like when you walk into Diesel and there's pieces of t-shirts stapled onto other t-shirts and first you think, "Björk made this!" and then you think "Oh. I could make this."

It's as banal to say "I hate the 'People' song" as, like, I don't know. Yelling, "I'm Rick James, bitch!" or those refrigerator magnets they have in trailer parks that say things like, "This isn't Burger King! You can't have it your way!"

Which is still [Bo's] fault, because he decided it was more important to be so hardcore as to not pick a good song, because that would damage his cred. There's a whole lot of secret Nadia in that gesture, to go with what would make a cred story out of it instead of a good performance: "I'm so lost here I just had to drop my finger down on the page because they're all the same and I'm resigned to sucking this week because that's how much of a fag I am NOT, that my body rejects show tunes out of hand and I couldn't even look at the page or remember the words." And that is some dangerously un-hardcore behavior right there, because what I appreciate is you doing your best, and that includes thinking at least a little bit about the best song for your voice.