It's been 5 weeks since I've spoken with Allie, and 3 since I've
spoken with Megan, Kirstin, and Angie. Time flies when you're
...alone and ...alone. Yeah. I just stopped initiating conversation
with them, and they've left me alone, so I guess I know where things
stand. In the past, it's felt like I've always been chasing them down
and nagging them to hang out with me. I don't like feeling like I'm
being annoying. It's also depressing as hell when they never do
anything with me because they're busy with other friends, or they say
they're busy with other friends because they don't want to hang out
with me. I'm sick of being upset over that. I've learned how to be
[mostly] alone, and it's working out alright for the most part. But
it's almost impossible for me to get out of bed in the morning, and
it's almost impossible to make myself do schoolwork, or study, or
practice piano, or go swimming. And it's so hard to go to class every
day with a fake smile plastered on my face, because no one likes it
when people are angst-y, and I don't want to alienate even more people
(although, really, at this point what does it matter?). So... yeah.
I can't wait until this summer when I can work 40 hours a week and
forget that everyone else on the planet exists, because it's hard as
hell to be at school and be constantly reminded of all the people who
aren't my friends anymore.

I had a terrible dream that I found a pedophile/ephebophile. Here goes:
I went to American Eagle, and I was perusing the store and walked towards the back. There was a TV screen, hidden for the most part by racks of merchandise that needed to be put away. I was just looking at the clothes, and then this old-ish Japanese man (the manager) came up to me. He was wearing a straw hat, a Hawaiian shirt, and orange swim trunks. He said that only 15-year-olds could see what was playing on the tv screen. I lied that I was 18 (I don't know why), and would he like to see my ID? He said no. Anyway, I never did see what was on the TV--I figured if there was an age limit, I probably wouldn't want to see it. I went to go pay for whatever I decided to buy, and he mentioned something to one of his co-workers about how 16-year-olds were sexy. I went home and went to the American Eagle website. You could look up individual stores, and I did, and on the site for his store, there was a motif at the top of the page. It was like artist mannequins split in half at the waist, and the tops and bottoms were scattered randomly across the top of the page. The bottom parts had penises, and I hovered my mouse on one. All of the store stuff faded away, and some videos came up. I became really scared, so I called my otolaryngologist to figure out what to do. I told him everything, and I thought he would call the police for me, but he didn't. He came over to my house, looked at the website (the videos were definitely evidence that the guy was a pedophile), and tried to exit the page. You needed a password to be able to exit that particular page. He told me he couldn't call the police because he was waiting for the results from some brain scan, but he would stay with me while I called.

So Talia and I randomly ran into our friend Justin who lives in our hallway and we briefly discussed Cannibal: The Musical. And then the following happened:
Justin: Okay, I'm gonna go pee, so you guys have a good night.
Talia, to me afterwards: I like it when people are honest.

Disappointing. But we had a good season. What a game to watch. Jeez. So close.

I overheard these two people having an argument in the hall outside. I guess it was a girl and her boyfriend. And the guy said "fuck" or "shit" like every other word, which is awesome and such an indicator of intelligence (lack thereof, actually). He's like "You said you were fuckin gonna change this shit" and she's all "sighhhh" and he's all "If you're gonna just fuckin walk away I'm fuckin leaving, word" and then I think she threw something at him, and then he walks away and she stomps after him. (I watched this through my peephole.) I love overhearing other people's arguments.

Update: They walked by again. He's like "come back, come back, so are we gonna fuckin take some time apart or what?" and she's like "I 'unno" and he's like "I don't wanna fuckin have to compete with the 15 fucking hundred other fucking guys" and now she's crying. And the guy has like a southern accent kind of, like North Carolina, and he's trying to do one of those BEV accents that he probably sees on MTV. And it's awesome. I love other people's drama.

So I have to write a paper for French civ analyzing two films about the French occupation in Algeria and the struggle for independence. And the minimum word requirement is 1600, which is about 5 pages. And I was feeling bummed cause right now I only have about 375 words (I still have more stuff to talk about though). But then I remembered that I got 100% on my last paper for this class, and I only wrote ~1150 words. So that cheered me up. I've always hated minimum length requirements, because I tend to write very succinctly (although the title of this blog would have you think otherwise) when compared to my peers. I get high-quality ideas across while not using a gazillion million words, and I think profs reward me for that ability. I think they also reward me for not making them read a friggen novel. Heh.